"You're medically boring."

Thank you, Dr. Waddell. This was his conclusion after reading my medical history chart. Then he checked me over and concluded that I have a sinus infection, the flu, and bronchitis. But let's start this story from the beginning.

A clue that I may not be feeling well is when I can't eat all that I ordered from Taco Bell. When there are leftovers around me, you know something is wrong. So on Sunday I wasn't feeling well. We (my family and I) were supposed to leave for Texas on Christmas day. But on that day I can't get out of bed, I have a temperature over 102 and can barely breathe. So my mom sets a massive bottle of Tylenol on my dresser and tells me to catch the next flight to Texas. They leave. Tylenol only made the fever go away. After 2 days of feeling like a bus hit me. twice. I decide to make a doctor's appointment. Random selection of doctor. After many phone calls (no one wants new patients) I find a doctor and have to get directions which goes like this:

"Are you coming from the Boulevard or the Shore?"
"What's the Boulevard?"
"Umm...Virginia Beach Boulevard"
"Oh, I dunno. I'm in a house...in a neighborhood.... Cypress Point. I think.... There's a golf course. Ummm"
"What's the name of your street?"
"Uh....good question...let me go check the mail. Actually I'll just mapquest this."
"Good idea."

So I get in a car that I've never driven to a part of town I've never been as I'm coughing up a lung and it's pouring down rain and 30 degrees. Dr. Wadell was cool. He walks in and we start talking and I realize that he's Australian. So I wanted to say something, but what would I say? "So...you're Australian." That'd be like him saying..."so you're sick." Maybe I could ask what part of Australia he's from. But I don't know anything about Australia. Keep your mouth shut, Melissa. I had to keep telling myself this over and over. We chatted for over an hour, partly because he had a good sense of humor, but mostly because I was his only patient the day after Christmas. All of a sudden, I realize that he's not Australian. Not even a little bit. He checks me out and determines that I am need of several medications:

1. Z Pack. BOR-ING. Ok, Dr. Wad-DULL, don't be so obvious.
2. some kind of nasal spray from outer space. This stuff is ridiculous. It's like snorting Vaporub. He told me that people get addicted to it and gave me a lecture for about 15 minutes. I really don't want to go to rehab for nasal spray. How embarrassing.
3. Cough syrup. No no no. I don't do cough syrup, Dr. Waddell. When he assures me that this cough syrup is laced with Vicodin, then I knew he was the greatest doctor on the planet.

After setting off the car alarm at Walgreens(while I'm in the car) I told the pharmacist that I would wait for my prescriptions so I don't have to come back here and get lost again. I spent over $100 on prescriptions, soup, and vitamin water.

So I get home to play with the medication. The cough syrup looks like what I kept coughing up. NASTY! But I pour it in a shot glass to psych myself up and chant VICODIN! VICODIN! and chase it with Vitamin water. WOOOHOOO!!! I was ready to PAR-TAY!

Needless to say, I'm feeling alot better today. Not totally well, but much better.