No MSG

Our writing journal prompt today was:
"What would it be like if there was no T.V? Would it be good or bad? Explain."

So I call on my sweetest, cutest, littlest Asian to read his response aloud. This was his response.

"It would be better to not have T.V because too much T.V. hurts your eyes and you will have to wear glasses like Michelle and Danny."

(Michelle and Danny are 2 kids in the class who are sitting right there.)

My response after a very long awkward pause, "Ummm no, that's not why they were glasses."

littlest asian: "Yes, it is. My mom say so. And her friend say so.

Me: "No.....some of us need glasses because we were born with eye difficulties..."

little asian: " No. It true. Internet say so too."

Me: "ok, fine. who wants to share next?"

Geez....

I'm from Texas, y'all!

This morning at 5am I woke up to a scratching sound at my window. I get the flashlight and go outside ready to kick the crap out of a squirrel. (p.s. I HATE squirrels. We had a problem at our last house. I don't really want to talk about it.) And when I get outside, I can't believe what I see. An armadillo!! Yes, a real-life armadillo waddling away from my window.... Wait, where do I live? Oh yeah, okay so it's TOTALLY normal to see an armadillo outside your window. I really had no words for the Armadillo.

CHEESE AND RICE!!

At the end of the day today, one of my students was taking a quiz on one of the laptops and all of a sudden I hear a startling sound. "JESUS CHRIST!!" Ok....I'm totally shocked. Too shocked for words. I mean, he YELLED it! Who yells curse words?? So I start thinking....let's see....he's not praying.....And that is definitely not on the quiz he's taking. No, he meant to yell it. I just tell him, "We do not say that. Unless you're praying. And you're not. (Because you're a Muslim.) We'll talk more about this tomorrow." He was confused. Which is understandable. That is obviously not something wrong to say at home. So then I start thinking....is it okay to correct him?

Cursing is only censored for the listener. (quote by Reba) It's not censored so the person will stop saying it. It's censored because it's offensive to the listener only. Rarely do curse words offend me other than the Lord's name in vain. I actually like some curse words. I like it even better when people use fake curse words. Like "Effing" ,"what the fork", "biotch", "beetches", "A-hole", "WTF", "hells yeah", etc. I know that some of these are offensive to some of you. So I effing apologize. But obviously I would never use these words in front of my students. There's a time and place for cursing, beetches.

Falling in Love at Kroger on a Friday night

So last Friday night around 10pm, I make the weekly trip to Kroger for a box of cookies. Yes, I'm feeling like a loser. But even more so when Reba called me earlier that evening and said "So big Friday night plans, huh?" And when I say, "yes. huge plans." she then bursts out laughing. Obviously I'm a Friday Night Loser.

As I'm walking down the cookie aisle, I can't believe it. There's this totally hot guy walking towards me. It's just like a good 80s movie and it's all in slow-motion. He is walking towards me. Is it really 10 pm on a Friday night at Kroger? What is the hottie with a body doing on my aisle? Obviously, he is lost. Beer aisle is the next one, buddy. As we walk towards each other we realize very awkwardly that we are both stopping at the same place. I slow down to let him get what he needs. He grabs my box of cookies! No joke! MY cookies!! We look at each other out of the corner of our eye and then run off in opposite directions.

I am IN LOVE! with my cookies. I have no need to hide my affection for these cookies. Apparently, hot guys like to eat them on Friday night at 10pm too! Finally, I feel justified in my life choices.

It was NOT nice to meet you.

Things I love about local Irish pubs:
1. Smithwicks
2. Chilling with good friends
3. Smithwicks
4. Making fun of guys who try to hit on me and my girl friends

DISCLAIMER: The following story is completely TRUE. No part was exaggerated or fictional. All names have been kept the same to protect the innocent.

During most public outings I have "go away" stamped on my forehead. But when out at a pub, I make sure that is stamped in bold letters and lights flashing. I cannot stand for guys to think that can just come up to you and expect you to be interested in them.

So I look over and there's a guy bothering Megan (whose boyfriend is there and she has mentioned several times that he is coming right back from playing Golden Tee). He doesn't get it. Then he notices me. Crap.

guy: So can YOU guess what celebrity I look like?
me: Kevin Smith a.k.a Silent Bob from Jay and Silent Bob
guy: What???? NO!!!! I can't believe you said that!!
me: Hmm. Ok. Who do YOU think you look like?
guy: Johnny Depp
me: HAHAHAHAHAH!!! (fell on floor crying from laughter)
guy: What?? I can't believe you said Kevin Smith. So you think I'm fat and ugly?
me: You can make that judgment for yourself. I just said Kevin Smith.
guy: Hey guys!! (calling to other loser friends and waves them over) This girl knows who Kevin Smith is! Wow! I'm so impressed! Most girls don't know who that is....

Ok, so once we get rid of those guys. Which took about 30 minutes of consistently insulting them. Then another guy from another group comes over to our group of girls....this one is wearing some ridiculous tshirt that I immediately make fun of. After about 15 minutes of my ridicule, he walks away. Oh, but he's not finished. He comes back.

stupid tshirt guy: Hey, let's try this again. I'm Michael I think you're a very interesting girl. Can I get your number? I would like to hang out with you sometime.
me: I am an interesting girl. But I'm not interested in hanging out with you.
stupid tshirt guy: Did I mention that I cure Autism?
(no, he really said that...he really did)
me: REALLY!! That's great! Could you let me know about this cure? Because I know 2 students at my school who could really use it.
stupid tshirt guy: You're a teacher? That's hot.
me: (grabbing the business card and pen from him-- yes, the business card that he expected me to write my number on.....I write down "Michael. Cures Autism." Tell me more about this cure.
stupid tshirt guy: Well, you wouldn't understand it. It's very complicated.
me: Try me.
stupid tshirt guy: You probably don't know what the epidemiology of autism is.
me: It's the study of factors influencing autism.
stupid guy: (drops jaw. can't speak)
me: What? Should I write that down?
stupid guy: Obviously, you're a very smart girl, but there is no cure for Autism.
me: Oh Geez. I had NO idea! Well, get busy on that cure then. Call me when you find it.

Idiots.

In case you haven't read about this. A girl was born with 2 faces. Not conjoined twins, just one girl. 2 faces. I can't stop staring at this picture. This girl was born to a family in India and all the Hindis think that she is a goddess who has come to life. They have like over 700 gods and goddess and lots of them have several arms and legs and other body parts. So it's interesting that all those people are now worshipping her. If she had been born in America, I bet the first thing her family would do is figure out how to get rid of one face so that she would be "normal".

So Reba....I need your medical information. I'm confused about a few things.

1. Which mouth eats?

2. Which face do you talk to?

3. How will she take a school picture?

4. What is going on here? What happened? Why weren't you the one to tell me about this? You love this kinda stuff.

$5.49

Ok, I lied. I need to work for the money. I just checked my bank account. It was more than I thought! For once, it's not a negative number. Go me!

What to do this summer.....

I'm trying to decide what to do this summer. I really need to work. Not for the money but just to avoid being a worthless couch potato. Here are a few options:

1. Work at the zoo as a tour guide.
2. Teach summer school.
3. Teach High School summer school.
4. Go to VA Beach and practice my surfing.
5. Work retail. Some options: Urban, Anthro, PB
6. Be a dolphin trainer.

Ok, #6 is really not an option. Does anyone have any other suggestions?

"How do you know your love is real? Check Facebook."

What a GREAT article. I'm so glad to find CNN reporting about important issues like Facebook.

This morning's writing prompt: "Why is diversity important?"

These are a few responses.

"Diversity is important because without it, I would not be able to find my friend on the playground. Because everyone would look the same. So I might talk to the wrong person."

"Diversity is important because it's important to try new things like hairstyles. If everyone always had the same hairstyle then no one would ever invent braids or bangs and it would be boring."

"Diversity is important because if we didn't have diversity then we would eat the same thing for dinner every night."