Things I love about local Irish pubs:
1. Smithwicks
2. Chilling with good friends
3. Smithwicks
4. Making fun of guys who try to hit on me and my girl friends
DISCLAIMER: The following story is completely TRUE. No part was exaggerated or fictional. All names have been kept the same to protect the innocent.
During most public outings I have "go away" stamped on my forehead. But when out at a pub, I make sure that is stamped in bold letters and lights flashing. I cannot stand for guys to think that can just come up to you and expect you to be interested in them.
So I look over and there's a guy bothering Megan (whose boyfriend is there and she has mentioned several times that he is coming right back from playing Golden Tee). He doesn't get it. Then he notices me. Crap.
guy: So can YOU guess what celebrity I look like?
me: Kevin Smith a.k.a Silent Bob from Jay and Silent Bob
guy: What???? NO!!!! I can't believe you said that!!
me: Hmm. Ok. Who do YOU think you look like?
guy: Johnny Depp
me: HAHAHAHAHAH!!! (fell on floor crying from laughter)
guy: What?? I can't believe you said Kevin Smith. So you think I'm fat and ugly?
me: You can make that judgment for yourself. I just said Kevin Smith.
guy: Hey guys!! (calling to other loser friends and waves them over) This girl knows who Kevin Smith is! Wow! I'm so impressed! Most girls don't know who that is....
Ok, so once we get rid of those guys. Which took about 30 minutes of consistently insulting them. Then another guy from another group comes over to our group of girls....this one is wearing some ridiculous tshirt that I immediately make fun of. After about 15 minutes of my ridicule, he walks away. Oh, but he's not finished. He comes back.
stupid tshirt guy: Hey, let's try this again. I'm Michael I think you're a very interesting girl. Can I get your number? I would like to hang out with you sometime.
me: I am an interesting girl. But I'm not interested in hanging out with you.
stupid tshirt guy: Did I mention that I cure Autism?
(no, he really said that...he really did)
me: REALLY!! That's great! Could you let me know about this cure? Because I know 2 students at my school who could really use it.
stupid tshirt guy: You're a teacher? That's hot.
me: (grabbing the business card and pen from him-- yes, the business card that he expected me to write my number on.....I write down "Michael. Cures Autism." Tell me more about this cure.
stupid tshirt guy: Well, you wouldn't understand it. It's very complicated.
me: Try me.
stupid tshirt guy: You probably don't know what the epidemiology of autism is.
me: It's the study of factors influencing autism.
stupid guy: (drops jaw. can't speak)
me: What? Should I write that down?
stupid guy: Obviously, you're a very smart girl, but there is no cure for Autism.
me: Oh Geez. I had NO idea! Well, get busy on that cure then. Call me when you find it.
Idiots.
2 comments:
are you a lesbian?
p.s. my life is waaaay better b/c about an hour ago I had a car full of old men (70's at least) stop at the crosswalk i was trying to cross to hit on me. "pretty girl" "whats your name" weird.
Within 30 seconds I had 2 (maybe homeless) 50 something men say "Woman, you are HOT..." as I walk by one looks at my rear then at his buddy and says "and I don't even LIKE big asses!!"
Let's compare our stories...I think that maybe you should start being nice to these losers at the bars or next thing you know it will be old homeless men.
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