So you're saying there's a chance....

I got a very pretty wedding invitation in the mail today with... oh yes, "melissa and guest". I love when my friends have faith in me! It's such a pretty invite that I am really excited about this wedding. I'm getting the feeling that the older we get, the less excited everyone is about weddings. By the time I get married I'm gonna have to just fly off to Vegas b/c no one will want to attend ANOTHER wedding.

P.S. There is no "and guest" that will be attending with me. So you can save the fancy ink on that. But it really is flattering for you to think so.

emily. you. are. awesome.

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/index.php?cl=7933419

2 more days....

what I hear at the end of the day: "Is it okay if we write nice things about you on the board?"

my reaction: "No! What? I mean, yes, of course. Nice things only."

When I look up to see what they are doing....I start laughing aloud almost to the point of tears. They have written my name with a circle around it and then a web with descriptions such as "nice", "brown hair", "teaches math", "teaches reading", "funny", "pretty handwriting", "I'm glad I'm in your class", etc. This is what we sometimes do when discussing new vocabulary.

I LOVE how Gifted kids actually USE what they learn even when they are having fun.

What is wrong with me?

Why do I want to see this soooo badly!!???

Who's with me???

T.O.Y

A couple months ago we were supposed to do this project where we go around the school and take pictures of "best practices" and then we had to share these with a group for discussion. Obviously, I am not going to take this seriously. So I just went around and took pictures of funny stuff. Here's what my group learned about best practices:

And that's how you get to be Teacher of the Year.

Walgreens...what's up?

I just got this phone call:

"Hey, this is Monique from Walgreens. I was just letting you know that your pictures are ready. They have been here since February. 432 pictures. And they are already paid for."

WHAAAAAAAAAAT?? I don't even know what these pics are....? I guess I'll go find out.

i missed my o.a. meeting because I was at taco bell....

when I was thinking of what to get stephanie for her bday, why did i immediately think of Taco Bell gift cards....???

I have a neighbor who I only run into when I go to workout, which is twice a day....so he thinks I'm a total freak. But what he doesn't know is what I EAT.

Today's food diary:
Breakfast- box of cookies
2nd breakfast - fruit( i was feeling guilty about the cookies) and chocolate (i guess i don't really feel that guilty)
lunch and dessert
2nd lunch- 2 slices of pizza
cupcake
dinner
thinking about 2nd dinner...

Today was weak. I can do much better than that. I am a compulsive eater. Just in case you were not aware. It's a good thing I like to work out.

steph--don't worry I won't get you a taco bell giftcard....unless you really want one... which I know you secretly do....

Happy Mother's Day....belated

I totally forgot to post a story about my mom on Mother's Day. So here is what she told me a few weeks ago when she flew into Dallas. (If you know my mom and how much she talks this will make more sense. Also, her obsession with texting is equivalent to a 13 year old)

"Now I have this crappy phone and it doesn't have text messaging. My old phone broke, you know the blue one? Yeah, it kept getting overheated and would shut off when I was talking on it. So I figured out that if I put it in the freezer then it would cool down and I could keep talking. But then it totally broke and wouldn't turn on. I have no idea why. So I sent it to Sprint and they said it had "internal damage" so it wasn't covered under warranty. They said that I had obviously broken it. It broke on its own! I have no idea why it broke. I HAD to put it in the freezer because it was getting too hot. No, that was a GOOD idea because it would cool down. But then it just stopped working. It's all Sprint's fault that I don't have texting anymore."

My response after several minutes in silence:
"Wait.....you put your phone in the freezer.........on purpose?? I think I solved the mystery as to why it broke."

My mom:
"Why? Because Sprint makes crappy phones?"

"An Instrument for Everyone"

That was the quote I found when I googled "harmonicas". Recently I have discovered the passion for harmonicas. I really want to learn how to play one. But first I must own one. There are waaay too many to choose from. I was looking on Amazon.com and I came across the Lee Oskar Harmonica. Here is a quote from the product page:

Product Features
Airtight
Easier second-position bending
All key components are replaceable
Durable, they last longer than harps

Please note the last description. Ha! What? So if I'm deciding between a harmonica or a harp, I should go with the harmonica because it lasts longer?

Here are some other quotes I found:

Many thousands of people begin to learn how to play the harmonica every year, but many people give up in frustration.

Harmonica.Com is here to help you to learn to play the harmonica, to have fun playing the harmonica, so to find out how much fun the harmonica really can be, so take a look around!

Learn Harmonica- Millions of visitors can't be wrong!

Tip of the day
May 18, 2008
"Fills vs. Leads vs. Backup- Be sure that when you are playing with people, at any given moment, you know your role. Should you be playing a solo, or playing fills between vocal lines, or playing backup, or nothing? Avoid over playing and under playing. If you don't know whether you're doing one or the other, ask the people you're playing with. Or better yet, tape yourself, let it sit a day or two and then judge for yourself."

Researching harmonicas is hysterical. I wish I had thought of this years ago.

Tales from the old folks home

Last week I went to visit my grandad in his nursing home. His dementia is completely random so I would be sitting next to him for about 20 minutes and then he looked over and said, "Hey, Missy, I didn't recognize you." And sometimes he knew exactly who I was and asked questions about my class and stuff. But even with his mind going, it was great to know that his sarcastic personality is still intact. Case in point:

On Sunday morning, we all gathered in the lobby for a church service. We are all sitting around as the pianist is playing a few old hymns for the prelude. Then this half dressed lady who is grunting loudly and dancing around in her t-shirt starts to "perform" next to the piano. My grandad points to her and says, "look at THAT lady! She's craaaazy! I hope they give her a solo." During the sermon about 90% of the "congregation" is asleep so fortunately my mom blended right in. She's known to take naps during my dad's preaching, so this was pretty standard for her. Also, my grandad has been known to be a "ladies' man" which has not changed since he's been there. He has about 7 girlfriends and they all came over to flirt in their wheelchairs and 2 of them saved him a bib for lunch. I guess that's how you flirt when you get to be that old.

Also, his roommate, Dr. Hill, would constantly be screaming one of 2 things. "I need a catheter!!" or "I can't pee!" repeatedly. Apparently this had been going on for weeks and my grandad never noticed or said anything about it until the day I got there and said "This guy won't shut up. I think he lost his mind."

It was good to see him even though we had the same conversation about 3 times. Also, it was good to see my parents and eat 24,000 calories at Cracker Barrel.

gossip, girl

Lately I have started running at the park in the morning again. If you don't run, you should. If you run, you should do it at the park in the mornings. It's the greatest time to run, not only because it is the coolest time of the day but for the people you see. I consider myself an "authentic" runner. Meaning I don't run with music and it I do alone. So I have lots of time for people watching, thinking, and prayer. I do have favorites at the park and I think you should know about these people.

If you have run a race in Houston, any kind, be it marathon or some wimpy 5k, then you have seen this guy. He looks like that guy from the last of the Mohicans. Every time I see him running towards me I get the theme song for last of the mohicans stuck in my head and I have this urge to run into the woods and hide like he's going to scalp me or something. But he never does and he just sprints past me with his long mohawk ponytail hair flying in the wind. I love him but I'm also terrified of him.

There's this old man who sits on the same bench every day to brush his dog's hair. His dog is the cutest dog in the world and he is the oldest man in the world. The dog is Rocky. Everyone says hi to Rocky and Rocky's owner hits on every female that passes him and also yells random curse words when you don't talk to Rocky. He also encourages Rocky to growl at other dogs.

There is a woman who is ridiculously toned and always wears the exact same outfit. Sports bra, shorts, no shirt, ski gloves, ear muffs, did I mention no shirt? I'm no doctor, but I bet if you put a shirt on, you might not need the ear muffs and ski gloves...I'm just sayin'

And at mile 1.4 every day I pass the hot guy. You know how there's always one. No shirt, mucho muscles. Actually, the muscles are too big for my taste but he has a cute face. I try so hard not to stare at his moob, but it's just so huge! (moob= man boobs that are so huge they become a single unit) Every day he catches me staring at the moob. What do you do....Oh well.

No MSG

Our writing journal prompt today was:
"What would it be like if there was no T.V? Would it be good or bad? Explain."

So I call on my sweetest, cutest, littlest Asian to read his response aloud. This was his response.

"It would be better to not have T.V because too much T.V. hurts your eyes and you will have to wear glasses like Michelle and Danny."

(Michelle and Danny are 2 kids in the class who are sitting right there.)

My response after a very long awkward pause, "Ummm no, that's not why they were glasses."

littlest asian: "Yes, it is. My mom say so. And her friend say so.

Me: "No.....some of us need glasses because we were born with eye difficulties..."

little asian: " No. It true. Internet say so too."

Me: "ok, fine. who wants to share next?"

Geez....

I'm from Texas, y'all!

This morning at 5am I woke up to a scratching sound at my window. I get the flashlight and go outside ready to kick the crap out of a squirrel. (p.s. I HATE squirrels. We had a problem at our last house. I don't really want to talk about it.) And when I get outside, I can't believe what I see. An armadillo!! Yes, a real-life armadillo waddling away from my window.... Wait, where do I live? Oh yeah, okay so it's TOTALLY normal to see an armadillo outside your window. I really had no words for the Armadillo.

CHEESE AND RICE!!

At the end of the day today, one of my students was taking a quiz on one of the laptops and all of a sudden I hear a startling sound. "JESUS CHRIST!!" Ok....I'm totally shocked. Too shocked for words. I mean, he YELLED it! Who yells curse words?? So I start thinking....let's see....he's not praying.....And that is definitely not on the quiz he's taking. No, he meant to yell it. I just tell him, "We do not say that. Unless you're praying. And you're not. (Because you're a Muslim.) We'll talk more about this tomorrow." He was confused. Which is understandable. That is obviously not something wrong to say at home. So then I start thinking....is it okay to correct him?

Cursing is only censored for the listener. (quote by Reba) It's not censored so the person will stop saying it. It's censored because it's offensive to the listener only. Rarely do curse words offend me other than the Lord's name in vain. I actually like some curse words. I like it even better when people use fake curse words. Like "Effing" ,"what the fork", "biotch", "beetches", "A-hole", "WTF", "hells yeah", etc. I know that some of these are offensive to some of you. So I effing apologize. But obviously I would never use these words in front of my students. There's a time and place for cursing, beetches.

Falling in Love at Kroger on a Friday night

So last Friday night around 10pm, I make the weekly trip to Kroger for a box of cookies. Yes, I'm feeling like a loser. But even more so when Reba called me earlier that evening and said "So big Friday night plans, huh?" And when I say, "yes. huge plans." she then bursts out laughing. Obviously I'm a Friday Night Loser.

As I'm walking down the cookie aisle, I can't believe it. There's this totally hot guy walking towards me. It's just like a good 80s movie and it's all in slow-motion. He is walking towards me. Is it really 10 pm on a Friday night at Kroger? What is the hottie with a body doing on my aisle? Obviously, he is lost. Beer aisle is the next one, buddy. As we walk towards each other we realize very awkwardly that we are both stopping at the same place. I slow down to let him get what he needs. He grabs my box of cookies! No joke! MY cookies!! We look at each other out of the corner of our eye and then run off in opposite directions.

I am IN LOVE! with my cookies. I have no need to hide my affection for these cookies. Apparently, hot guys like to eat them on Friday night at 10pm too! Finally, I feel justified in my life choices.

It was NOT nice to meet you.

Things I love about local Irish pubs:
1. Smithwicks
2. Chilling with good friends
3. Smithwicks
4. Making fun of guys who try to hit on me and my girl friends

DISCLAIMER: The following story is completely TRUE. No part was exaggerated or fictional. All names have been kept the same to protect the innocent.

During most public outings I have "go away" stamped on my forehead. But when out at a pub, I make sure that is stamped in bold letters and lights flashing. I cannot stand for guys to think that can just come up to you and expect you to be interested in them.

So I look over and there's a guy bothering Megan (whose boyfriend is there and she has mentioned several times that he is coming right back from playing Golden Tee). He doesn't get it. Then he notices me. Crap.

guy: So can YOU guess what celebrity I look like?
me: Kevin Smith a.k.a Silent Bob from Jay and Silent Bob
guy: What???? NO!!!! I can't believe you said that!!
me: Hmm. Ok. Who do YOU think you look like?
guy: Johnny Depp
me: HAHAHAHAHAH!!! (fell on floor crying from laughter)
guy: What?? I can't believe you said Kevin Smith. So you think I'm fat and ugly?
me: You can make that judgment for yourself. I just said Kevin Smith.
guy: Hey guys!! (calling to other loser friends and waves them over) This girl knows who Kevin Smith is! Wow! I'm so impressed! Most girls don't know who that is....

Ok, so once we get rid of those guys. Which took about 30 minutes of consistently insulting them. Then another guy from another group comes over to our group of girls....this one is wearing some ridiculous tshirt that I immediately make fun of. After about 15 minutes of my ridicule, he walks away. Oh, but he's not finished. He comes back.

stupid tshirt guy: Hey, let's try this again. I'm Michael I think you're a very interesting girl. Can I get your number? I would like to hang out with you sometime.
me: I am an interesting girl. But I'm not interested in hanging out with you.
stupid tshirt guy: Did I mention that I cure Autism?
(no, he really said that...he really did)
me: REALLY!! That's great! Could you let me know about this cure? Because I know 2 students at my school who could really use it.
stupid tshirt guy: You're a teacher? That's hot.
me: (grabbing the business card and pen from him-- yes, the business card that he expected me to write my number on.....I write down "Michael. Cures Autism." Tell me more about this cure.
stupid tshirt guy: Well, you wouldn't understand it. It's very complicated.
me: Try me.
stupid tshirt guy: You probably don't know what the epidemiology of autism is.
me: It's the study of factors influencing autism.
stupid guy: (drops jaw. can't speak)
me: What? Should I write that down?
stupid guy: Obviously, you're a very smart girl, but there is no cure for Autism.
me: Oh Geez. I had NO idea! Well, get busy on that cure then. Call me when you find it.

Idiots.

In case you haven't read about this. A girl was born with 2 faces. Not conjoined twins, just one girl. 2 faces. I can't stop staring at this picture. This girl was born to a family in India and all the Hindis think that she is a goddess who has come to life. They have like over 700 gods and goddess and lots of them have several arms and legs and other body parts. So it's interesting that all those people are now worshipping her. If she had been born in America, I bet the first thing her family would do is figure out how to get rid of one face so that she would be "normal".

So Reba....I need your medical information. I'm confused about a few things.

1. Which mouth eats?

2. Which face do you talk to?

3. How will she take a school picture?

4. What is going on here? What happened? Why weren't you the one to tell me about this? You love this kinda stuff.

$5.49

Ok, I lied. I need to work for the money. I just checked my bank account. It was more than I thought! For once, it's not a negative number. Go me!

What to do this summer.....

I'm trying to decide what to do this summer. I really need to work. Not for the money but just to avoid being a worthless couch potato. Here are a few options:

1. Work at the zoo as a tour guide.
2. Teach summer school.
3. Teach High School summer school.
4. Go to VA Beach and practice my surfing.
5. Work retail. Some options: Urban, Anthro, PB
6. Be a dolphin trainer.

Ok, #6 is really not an option. Does anyone have any other suggestions?