Easter with the Pope

Last weekend I went to Italy (country #24) and Vatican City (country #25?). This is why I count that as a country. But some of you might argue that it's not a country. Just read that article first before you decide. I don't have a stamp in my passport from the Vatican. But I also don't have a stamp from Israel or Cuba. So are they not countries? Just saying... The Vatican at Easter? Yes, it was crowded but we bought a prepaid ticket that put us to the front of the 2-3 hour line and we had a tour guide who actually enjoyed her job. Other than the airport being crowded, the rest of Rome wasn't bad at all. Not compared to Cairo on a daily basis. I really could have stayed in Rome for a week and in Italy for a lifetime. I definitely plan on going back to Italy. Maybe next fall to visit Sarah when she moves to a small coastal Italian town.

Cairo is the new Vegas

Thursday night went out for some Thai food with one of my newly wed friends. Funny story. Apparently, their marriage license got lost in the mail in Canada. They were married in Vancouver over Christmas. So as Peter asked me to pass the rice, he added "and would you sign our marriage license as a witness?" What?? We made sure to clean the table so that the Pad Thai wouldn't get all over the documents. Kinda cool. I'll forever be their witness! Love it! I love how random it was too...

I promise

I promise to update more for those of you who don't use facebook anymore (quitters). I just figured out how to get to blogger at work and how to bypass the page that appears in Arabic.

Egypt doesn't make sense.

This doesn't surprise me about Egypt at all.

Where I will be for Easter....

Tunisia- Country # 23

Pretty amazing place. We saw pretty much the entire country. I'll post pics on facebook as soon as it decides to start working for me. Renting a car was a good decision even though none of us had really driven a standard transmission and that's all they have to rent. We made it out alive with only a slightly frightening situation down an extremely small alley that was blocked by a pile of rocks. Luckily, some Tunisians decided to help us. Lots of Lightsaber battles occurred at the Star Wars locations. Of course, we had to decide who was each character. Luckily I beat Sarah out of being Princess Lea. She had to be Chubaaka. Between the 4 of us we had a combined maturity of about age 8. No ewoks were found, but we did discover Ewok food. Or that's at least what we named the unusual rock-like sculptures that we kept seeing everywhere. Like a video game, we had to dodge wild camels crossing the road. The rest of the trip will be posted in pics with comments on facebook. I know you can't wait!

Culture Shock: A day in the life of being in America

I'm here in the States!! (Finally after a long flight to NYC and then the delay of the snow storm.) I think I'm having a little culture shock. Here are the things I'm having trouble adjusting to:

1. Clothing/Fashion: I couldn't believe what girls MY AGE were wearing at the airport. Leggings! Just leggings!! No pants!! And the high-heeled boots just looked ridiculous. When did hooker/chic come into style?

2. Public restrooms: I think I went in 12 times to the JFK bathroom. There were a couple times I just went in to flush the toilet and look at the toilet paper. I even stole some just out of habit.

3. Driving the first day was insane. I kept going waaay over the speed limit. I didn't realized how fast they drive in Egypt! Reba says that I am a waaay more aggressive driver now. Why does everyone stay in lanes and drive slow?

4. Target: I had to restrain myself. It was over-stimulation. I wanted to buy everything. Instead I only purchased 3 deodorants, unnecessary cute shoes, and a sweater. Oh! And this really nice lady gave me a coupon for free underwear! I love America!! But then someone stole my basket and the coupon. What is America coming to? Are we stealing coupons now to deal with the recession?

5. The Mall: OMG. I actually like the clothing they sell. And EVERYTHING is on sale!!! I only purchased VS undies b/c I had a $10 off coupon. We're going to the outlets on Friday to hit those after Christmas sales. It's a little weird adjusting to prices. Also, weird that no one was pushing. I actually stood in line and no one elbowed me to get ahead of me in line. We just waited our turn.

6. Tivo. Greatest gift to mankind.

7. Crackerbarrel. Can you order one of everything on the menu? You can try. Our waitress actually wrote down our order. And she could understand what I said. And she refilled my drinks without me asking. And the food arrived only 10 minutes after we ordered!! And when she brought the check without us asking, I almost fell out of my seat! Our dinner lasted less an hour!! Madness!!

8. "Can I see your driver's license?" When I heard this question, I thought..."Do I have a driver's license? Where is that thing?" No, I wasn't being pulled over.

9. Running. I can run outside. And breathe!! My lungs are so happy right now.

10. Walmart. Ok, this was alot like being back at the Khan in Cairo. Did you know someone DIED in Walmart during a stampede a few weeks ago?? That sounds like something that would happen in Egypt. Walmart is alot like being in a 3rd world country. But I didn't get any "weeeelcome! pretty lady! How much for you?" Oh wait, yes I did. Just from a different ethnic group.

Homma men America.

This is the much anticipated update for my fans (yes, all 3 of you)

Justin and Kim came to play in Egypt. Lots of fun to be had. One day we took a jeep safari out to the desert. We also had lots of fun on a Felucca ride down the Nile which had to be paused for a photo shoot. Just a day in the life of fashion models.

Justin was so excited he peed himself.

A Letter to the Director

Dear Dr. Paul,

I feel the need to bring an important issue to your attention. There seems to be an unfortunate epidemic of narcelepsy amoung the blue workers at our school. Even with hourly doses of coffee the workers are unable to stay awake. A possible solution: falefels laced with Ritalin? Just a suggestion that I think you should seriously consider.

Thank you for your attention to this pressing issue,

Me

Greece

If you can only take 1 vacation in your entire life, you need to go to Greece. I'd heard wonderful things about it, but I didn't expect it to be so amazing. Maybe because Cairo is so nasty. We flew into Athens and took a ferry to Santorini. Santorini is famous for its sunsets which did not disappoint. The people were fabulous. Food was fantastic. Could not have asked for a better way to spend a week away from Cairo.

Skype

I have it. It works. Kim called me on my computer and I thought that I needed a headset, but no. I have speakerphone or something on here. Awesomeness. So call me or at least add me as a contact if you have skype too.

For the slow....Skype is an internet program that you can download for free and talk to anyone anywhere for free.

The Pyramds

The past 2 weekends we have gone to play on the pyramids. It's been really hot, but still fun. Security is at a minimum so you are free to do whatever you please out there. The first weekend we (Owen, Angela, Norris, and I) went to Giza to see the Sphynx and the more famous pyramids. Then last weekend we (John, Emily, Owen, and I) hired a private driver to drive us around to Sakara and Dashur to see the step pyramid and the bent pyramid. We also were able to climb down inside to the tombs. John, of course, had to throw a little fit about going inside because it's so dark and scary. Owen spent most of the day on top of the pyramid throwing rocks at the security guards. We didn't get kidnapped so I'd say the day was a success.



P.S. It's alot easier to post pics on facebook so check there for the latest pics.

Canadians: Mysterious creatures of the North

Likes:
*documentaries
*Talking about documentaries
*mocking American politics (an obvious blow below the belt)
*documentaries mocking American politics and capitalism
*naming Southern cuisine and promptly asking if we seriously eat something called"Chicken Fried Steak"
*making jokes about Americans’ lack of knowledge of Canadian History
*Southern accents
*American sports

Dislikes:
*Bush administration
*organized religion
*capitalism
*Being compared to eskimos and polar bears

Taxi Cab Rules: Or how to Walk like an Egyptian

Crossing the Street:
First you must enter the street area. Be on your guard at all times. You can and will be hit by taxis. Or you will witness a wreck. Or both. Look to your right and to your left. Cars will be coming from both directions even if this is a one-way street. Also, cars might be speeding on the sidewalk to watch for that too. Try to find any Egyptians. Watch how they cross the street. They will glide through 60 mile/hour traffic like Jesus walking on water. But you cannot cross yet. You must wait for the right time. When the Spirit moves you, cross each lane one at a time. Remember that there are no "real" lanes and cars can be in the left lane and instantly be in the right lane or maybe on the sidewalk or maybe making donuts on the pavement at any given time. I repeat you can and will be hit by taxis.

Getting a cab:
Wave the driver down. Approach the cab and announce your destination. They will approve or disapprove. For example, for me to get home I would say a large area near my house "Sabaa Emirat" (translated: 7 streets). He would then shake his head no and I would try several more taxis. Finally, one will agree. You enter the cab. A man needs to sit up front. If you have no man, then you put the ugliest, fattest girl in your group. Once you are in the cab, you will immediately notice there is no meter. The driver will be rocking out to some Arabic rap, maybe have a few strobe lights, no AC, and will be smoking with the windows rolled up. This is all perfectly normal. You only need minimal amounts of Arabic to dictate your way.
Shamel: left
Yamin: right
Henne: here
Iowa: yes
Shukran: thank you
You must give your driver what you think is the right amount. This might be 5L.E to 20L.E. You guess is as good as mine. If you short-change him then you better sprint out of the area quickly as he will chase you with his Arabic curse words. Do not despair. You will probably never see him again.

Cairo

Ok, So I'm in Cairo. There's so much to say about Cairo. I really feel that pictures will be the best form of communcating what happens. I'll try to take more pictures. Everything is really different. Even ordering a meal is a huge ordeal. Right now I'm at a little cafe (about 5 minutes from my apartment) stuffing my face and using the internet. This is pretty standard behavior. We have a great place and LOVE our neighborhood. There are 2 Canadian guys who work with us and live 1 floor below us. We are the only people in our building so it's very private. Ok, this blog is really lame. No more lame ducks after this. Just trying to get you guys the facts.

What were they thinking???

Project Bathroom

My furniture and basically everything I own in this life is still in a truck on its way to Virginia Beach. Yes, it's been over 3 weeks. Long long story. Whenever I get stressed out, it's good for me to have a project. So re-doing one of the bathrooms was my weekend project.

Before: (Yes, those are fish. Pink, blue and green fish.)

During:

I caught Jackie sleeping on the job. She was fired immediately.
The finale.

So what do you think? I'm not sure about the towels. I don't know if I should do all brown? Oh, bathmats are dark brown. (not shown)

people are stupid.

bad habit that I MUST break

I didn't realize that I did this until Reba brought this to my attention. Whenever someone does something to make me mad (this includes cutting me off while driving or sending me a bill in the mail or writing something in a blog that I disagree with) I have a small form of Tourette's, in that I immediately call him or her a "dirty whore" very loudly. I know this needs to stop but it just comes out so naturally. I usually don't think these people are dirty whores, with exception of the lady who stole my parking spot at Farm Fresh. Well, she might not be. Ok, so I really am working on this.

you are NOT ready for this jelly

When Reba and I were last together, we decided to compare our bodies. Obviously, there is a HUGE difference, but I wanted to know the facts. How much bigger am I than her? So we measured the most overtly diverse areas on our bodies. Biceps and butts. Get ready for these results. You might want to sit down for this.

My bicep is 4 inches bigger than hers!

My butt......7 inches bigger!!!

It's official. I'm on a new diet. This new "try not to eat everything in the house" diet is really hard to stick to. No doubt my new schedule has something to do with this. I'm basically living alone with Jackie (the family dog).

6am wake up to loud noise...this varies. sometimes it's someone putting in new hardwood floors or my mom talking very loudly with the head phones on

6- 10am eat and watch Tivo with Jackie.

10-11 move furniture (new hardwood floors...one room at a time)

11-2 eat more. facebook and tivo.

2-6 pass out from sugar coma

6 take jackie on a walk. sometimes run.

mom comes home around 7 or 8 after Aquacise (this will be discussed later) and dad rides his bike home from work around 9 (will also be discussed more)

then we eat. maybe watch a movie. stay up late.

This is will all change once my furniture gets here....hopefully sometime before I leave for Egypt.

Hangin' in da 'ham

Last week I received an email with this attachment:

Birmingham Itinerary
July 26-29

Friday
Arrive in the ‘ham
Eat dinner at 601 Wildforest Dr.
Piano recital

Saturday
Breakfast
-Original Pancake House
-Cracker Barrel
Take Mom to airport
Birmingham Botanical Gardens
Lunch at Cobb Lane
Harry Potter Day at Birmingham Zoo
Run on Lakeshore
Rent movie

Sunday
Church at Brook Hills
Brunch at Whole Foods
Kung Fu Panda
Olive Garden



So this is what we did this weekend. Except we didn't go to Cobb Lane due to an excessive amount of wine and chocolate cake. And we didn't go see Kung Fu Panda. :( The piano recital consisted of Reba playing a few selections from Pride and Prejudice and demanding our applause after each one. Harry Potter day at the zoo was cancelled due to rain. But we did enjoy a free day at the petting zoo due to lack of personnel at the front ticket booth. We had an addition of a trip to see Volcan. How can you resist a half naked statue of a Greek god? Obviously, we were very mature about it.

(Yes, that is Volcan's naked butt)

Feliz Navigon!

"No, I haven't talked to her about it yet. Yes, I know that we don't have much time. Look, I'll talk to her about it when we stop for dinner. Yes, I know how important this is. Yes, I agree that this is important. I will tell her ok? Don't worry."

This is the conversation that I hear from my mom when my dad called as we are driving to B'ham. Whaaat? Who died? What is going on??? We remain in silence in the car. I can tell that mom doesn't want to talk about it. So we stop at Subway. Silence. This is bizarre. Especially for my mom. And I'm totally freaked out. But then I realize something. My mom avoids ALL conversations unless they are about puppies and rainbows. So I wasn't too worried. We walk back to the car and she mumbles that she has to get something from the trunk. She was taking awhile to get whatever she needed. I walk back to the trunk and I see it.....a GPS system!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I HATE THESE THINGS!!!! They are SOO obnoxious. I refuse to use it. We fight. She hooks it up and we go down the road and Navigon is obnoxious. She can't pronouce her words correctly. We could not figure out "right at the roundabout" because it sounded like "rightahwoebtoincboo". I like to refer her to as Navi. Navi is a hater. When you speed she screams "caution! caution!". Horribleness. She doesn't answer any of your questions. Like, "Navi, where are we?" I have to have her all day on Monday when I drive to VA Beach. But I found out how to mute Navi.

Feliz Navigon!

99 boxes of beer on the truck...

99 boxes. That's what the movers counted. I have too much stuff. It's official. Most of the boxes were from the liquor store (because those boxes are free). Turns out the head mover guy (not sure on his title) is from Israel and his wife's family lives in Egypt and her 2 kids go to my school! Small world!!

Disclaimer

I just checked my checking account. Some of you with upcoming bdays (Reba, Kim, Sudan-belated), you might be receiving some lightly used articles of clothing or maybe a very rarely used vacuum cleaner.

No, Burka, no!

Today I was shopping at Bed Bath and Beyond minding my own business, when I turned the corner and was scared out of my wits. There was a lady in a burka walking with her sons. It was like seeing Darth Vader for the first time. I couldn't move, couldn't scream, couldn't breath. After a moment of feeling paralzyed, I ran in the opposite direction. This was very traumatic for me. What am I going to do when I see them all the time in Egypt??? These things are seriously scary.

Oh, and Emily mentioned that she saw one at Sephora. Makeup?? What for?? Please explain!

Also, do little babies wear burkas? If so, that might be kinda cute.

Hair.Is.CUT.OFF

I'll put a pic up later. I'm at Panera Bread so I don't want to scare the families around me by taking a picture of myself. What am I doing at Panera Bread? If you are asking this question you have not had their breakfast sandwiches and mocha. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!

Car is fixed. Hair is short. I like it. alot. I have 30 pages left in my journal and 30 days until I leave for Egypt. Weird. I have had this journal since May 2006. It's a large journal, but I guess I don't journal that much. Blogging has taken over my journal time. Except for the secret stuff and that goes in the locked Hello Kitty journal. Don't hate.

Famous last words

After working out at the gym and making a list of all the things I have to do today, I thought "Geez Louise, all I wanna do is stay in bed and watch movies. I really don't feel like driving all over town." So I go out to the car to begin the plethora of errands. And my car won't start. God, are you trying to be ironic? Called the Roadside Assistance and they tried to jump start my car. No luck. Now I'm waiting on the tow truck to drag my car to the dealer. Of course, the dealer said that they can't get to my car until Monday. No loaner car. Haters.

I guess I got what I wanted. I'm watching Chicago and packing the kitchen. Not going to be running any errands for the next few days.

For Sale

good things

Emily has graciously agreed to administer my B12 shots to me. Yes, they are butt shots. Awesome. At times like this, I'm so glad that she is part Lebanese. And I'm really glad that she is not sick at all of the Lebanese joke.

Suzanne was in a boating accident today. Sliced her head open. 7 stitches. But not eaten by sharks. So this is good news. I'm sure she's enjoying her pain pills right now. Seriously, I'm very glad you are ok, SuzieQ.

I enjoyed a day at the museum (It was kinda weird not having kids or not being an Asian wearing a track suit on vacation.) And lunch at Cafe Brasil. Me gusta!!


I made so many phone calls that my phone died twice. But I did absolutely no packing. Good times.

You can have it your way, but don't get crazy.

If you haven't seen the nail salon video, then you HAVE to watch it. Then you can appreciate this. And if you love Mexican jokes then watch this. This chick cracks me up!

an apple a day....

I've been to 6 different doctors in the past week. And spent $$$ just on routine visits. Everything was normal except for my cholesterol (202). Which my doctor suggested might be due to Taco Bell. She is such a liar. I love how I went to see the dermo. for a skin cancer screening and she suggests acne medicine. Didn't even know I had an acne problem. And she was the 7th dermo to tell me "You will get skin cancer, it's just a matter of time. Let's talk about sunscreen and long sleeves." Let's not. My dentist looked at my teeth and said, "Everything looks great. Just keep doing what you're doing." Really?? Like eating lots of sweets and never flossing? Might want to think about that before you say something crazy. It's just good genes, not my maintenance.

Tomorrow I will brave the 3rd Ward to get some immunizations. It's the cheapest place in town and I'll still be spending over $300 for the shots. Doctors are obnoxiously expensive.

"If you can survive the 3rd Ward, then you can survive Cairo." --my mom

What is wrong with me:

Actually that list is too long...but after stalking my GI doctor, he finally gave me the test results. I have Pernicious anemia (also known as Biermer's anaemia or Addison's anaemia or Addison-Biermer anaemia). This is most likely caused by Atrophic gastritis. The solution: Every few years get a biopsy by swallowing a camera and tools to cut peices of my stomach out to check for cancer. Sounds like good times. And get monthly B-12 shots. No me gusta. I was really hoping that he would tell me that the only solution was more Taco Bell.

May all your dreams not come true

3 days ago I had a nightmare that Emily and I were in Egypt and they said that we couldn't live together. The reason: We resembled the CIA and it was too suspicious for us to be roommates. Yeah, I don't know but it was scary.

The next night I had a nightmare that the movers showed up at my place and told me that none of my stuff could fit in the truck. So everything I want to take with me must fit in my car. I argued with the movers for the majority of the dream that I could not fit my mattress in my car. They said that I could. Very frustrating.

Adventures in ColonLand

Ok, it's actually my small intestines. I went to the gastro dr on Monday. By the way, he was a total a-hole (pardon the pun). I'll have my results on the Celiac blood test next week, but he wanted me to get small bowel and UGI tests done today. This took several hours. First I had to drink the Barium mixture which is basically chalk mixed with water. With the first sip, it tastes like a thicker form of Mylanta. Not that bad. But by the 3rd cup I knew I was going to have nightmares about this stuff. One of the docs mentioned that they put chocolate syrup in it at the Children's hospital. So NOT fair!! Apparently, it takes about 20-30 minutes to drink this. I downed it in less than 5 minutes. When they took the first xray they were all really shocked that my stomach was stretched so big! They(my entire team of radiologists) couldn't believe that I wasn't in an incredible amount of pain from how huge my stomach had stretched. I told them that I was pretty used to stretching my stomach(refer to what I did for July 4th). Anyways, you have to walk around and take more xrays every 20 minutes for over 2 hours. It was really boring, but all the radiologists and xray technicians were really nice and I know all of their life stories. Now I will be spending the rest of the day in the restroom thanks to the Barium.

From Japan, with love

This arrived at my house from Japan!! I miss this family so much!! They moved to Japan in March. I can't wait to go visit someday!

Oh yeah, let me translate:

"Dear Ms. McGoldrick,

At the Japan I am in the 3rd grade. I have lots of friend. I think happy that you are my teacher. I think Daily Elementary School is very good school.

Ryotaro"

"Ms McGoldrick,

How are you? Ryotaro wrote a letter to you at his new school. He is adjusting well so far. We received the class picture from Satsuki's mom. We all still miss Houston very much! Hope everything is well for you!

Best regards, Akiko"

How I Celebrated the 4th

CVS Round 2

I went in to CVS this morning to get a dr. pepper and Mr. Super Duper* was behind the counter. Oh no, I am not going to buy anything buy my dr. pepper.

Let me set the scene for you. I'm wearing a tank top and shorts, soaking wet hair(did not even attempt to dry my hair- i was so late, no makeup. The entire time I just stared at the ground.

Mr. super duper: You look really pretty today.
me: It's the last day of summer school. (what? I don't know)
Mr. Super duper: Oh, well you can still look pretty on the last day of summer school.
me: okay
Mr super duper: Your total with your coupon is 44 cents.
me: can I charge that?
Mr. Super duper: It's okay. Have a great last day of summer school!


*Refer to previous post (he's the cute CVS manager)

I love the rain the most when it stops.

And now I like being a teacher. Last day of summer school!!! Wooohoo!! I have some meetings tomorrow and will be cleaning out my classroom. But that's it. No mas. Praise the Lord!

How to "slow your roll"

Don't worry, I am investigating this lovely new product. I love America.

To cut or not to cut?

What should I do with my hair??? Here are some options....

I'm also open to suggestions.

God is cool.

So 12 days ago, I decided to move to Egypt. And I needed someone to live with Ashley when I move out. She found a new roommate today!!! AMAZING!! Thank you all who have been praying about this.

This is where I'm moving in July...

This is where I'm moving in August..

typical summer school conversation.

crackbaby: Are you married?
me: no
crackbaby: You ain't got no husband?
me: no. That's what unmarried means.
crackbaby: do you live alone?
me: yes (kids do not understand roommates...it just ends up sounding like a lebanese thing)
crackbaby: you got one bathroom?
me: sure.
crackbaby: do you sleep in pajamas?
me: yes....(where is this going?)
crackbaby: i don't. i don't like pajamas. they make me sick. i get sick when i wear pajamas.
me:.....hmmm
crackbaby: why are you staring at me like that?
me: i'm just confused about the pajamas making you sick thing.
crackbaby: why you always look at me like i'm crazy?
me: well....let's eat our mash potatoes, ok?

you think you know....but you have no idea....

I'm really trying not to break out into hives with my current level of stress.

summer school...teaching dangerous minds and conferences with parents...grrrr
packing up classroom
packing up apartment
spanish class- 2 classes/week
VBS site coordinator--we only have 3 teachers signed up...please please please sign up!
finding and completing appropriate documents for Egypt
planning my move to VA beach in July- finding movers. trying to afford movers.
planning my move to Egypt in Aug.- deciding what to take a.k.a. what can fit in the suitcase
finding my current roommate a new roommate...please pray for this!
changing my address on EVERYthing
resigning from my current job--- lots of paperwork.
doctor appointments- scheduling and attending....
therapy sessions....

Big News

So I have some big news, but I would like to tell you in person or at least on the phone. So.....if the suspense is killing you then call me. Or email me. Or that skype me. Or that do that gay facebook chat thing. (I secretly like it.)

A flask on a keychain....whaaaat??

Thank you, Angela, for bringing this invention to my attention. There's so much to say about the keychain flask. Here are some FAQs:

First of all, who is this for? Anyone who needs to hide their drink with their keys.

Where would you need this? Any place where you would need to hide your drink. A few suggestions: A church service, while driving (this is the purpose of the keychain), a wedding cermony (totally understandable that you might need a drink), at work (enough said), while running or exercising at a gym.

Where can you purchase this? Vegas, baby. Or probably online.

Why?? No answer for this question.

facebook saves lives

Thanks to facebook I reconnected with an old friend. Actually this friend is a girl I used to babysit. She is now 16 and a Junior in HS!! Last time I saw her, she was 4 years old. So we are going to get together for lunch sometime soon. I told her that I remembered her a s crazy, dramatic, cute girl. Then she told me what she remembered about me.

"the one time I clearly remember was when I got really pissy and upset 'cause you didn't say bye. I was like somewhere ridiculous like my closet and my dad was like "wth?" and I was like "she left without saying byeeeee - wail- "then the next day I was fine. "

She was 4 at the time! How does she remember this!? Oh yes, I remember all my child psychology classes and the theories about childhood memories. I'm still bad about leaving without saying goodbye. I just don't think it's that big of a deal. I have to try really hard to remember to say goodbye. So if I say goodbye to you, then I have thought about it and planned to do it, so you must be pretty special.

like a prayer

Guess who is going to see Madonna in November??? ME!!!! We gots the tickets and I'm sooo excited!!! YOU should get tickets too!

No boys allowed

So on the way to work today I realize that I didn't bring any extra tampons and decide to stop at CVS. Well, if I'm going to get tampons, as embarrassing as that is, I might as well get pantyliners, pads--the whole shebang, right? Of course when I go to the checkout to confront my fear of buying female products in public, there's the cute, single manager ready to check me out. Crap. Ok, well I present to him my large purchase which takes up the entire counter. Please note that female products are my ONLY purchase. Nothing else. I had stashed the bag of cookies on a random aisle when I see that HE is my cashier. So he's ringing up my purchase, which takes an excruciatingly long time, and then he says, "Super duper." What? Is he referring to my absorbency of choice or maybe he says this all the time. The guy next to him says, "Wow, I haven't ever heard you say 'Super Duper'." Ok, so this is not a normal occurrence. Mortification. As I run out of the store with my enormous bag, I hear "Have a super duper day!" AHHH!!

You have won!

In case you haven't figured this out on your own....my blog is now private thanks to all the teachers getting in trouble on myspace . So now you have to be invited to read this. Yes, you are just that special. You made the cut! You are no longer on the B-team. If you know someone that wants to be added just let me know. I'll add anyone who wants to actually read this. Beggars can't be choosers.

So you're saying there's a chance....

I got a very pretty wedding invitation in the mail today with... oh yes, "melissa and guest". I love when my friends have faith in me! It's such a pretty invite that I am really excited about this wedding. I'm getting the feeling that the older we get, the less excited everyone is about weddings. By the time I get married I'm gonna have to just fly off to Vegas b/c no one will want to attend ANOTHER wedding.

P.S. There is no "and guest" that will be attending with me. So you can save the fancy ink on that. But it really is flattering for you to think so.

emily. you. are. awesome.

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/index.php?cl=7933419

2 more days....

what I hear at the end of the day: "Is it okay if we write nice things about you on the board?"

my reaction: "No! What? I mean, yes, of course. Nice things only."

When I look up to see what they are doing....I start laughing aloud almost to the point of tears. They have written my name with a circle around it and then a web with descriptions such as "nice", "brown hair", "teaches math", "teaches reading", "funny", "pretty handwriting", "I'm glad I'm in your class", etc. This is what we sometimes do when discussing new vocabulary.

I LOVE how Gifted kids actually USE what they learn even when they are having fun.

What is wrong with me?

Why do I want to see this soooo badly!!???

Who's with me???

T.O.Y

A couple months ago we were supposed to do this project where we go around the school and take pictures of "best practices" and then we had to share these with a group for discussion. Obviously, I am not going to take this seriously. So I just went around and took pictures of funny stuff. Here's what my group learned about best practices:

And that's how you get to be Teacher of the Year.

Walgreens...what's up?

I just got this phone call:

"Hey, this is Monique from Walgreens. I was just letting you know that your pictures are ready. They have been here since February. 432 pictures. And they are already paid for."

WHAAAAAAAAAAT?? I don't even know what these pics are....? I guess I'll go find out.

i missed my o.a. meeting because I was at taco bell....

when I was thinking of what to get stephanie for her bday, why did i immediately think of Taco Bell gift cards....???

I have a neighbor who I only run into when I go to workout, which is twice a day....so he thinks I'm a total freak. But what he doesn't know is what I EAT.

Today's food diary:
Breakfast- box of cookies
2nd breakfast - fruit( i was feeling guilty about the cookies) and chocolate (i guess i don't really feel that guilty)
lunch and dessert
2nd lunch- 2 slices of pizza
cupcake
dinner
thinking about 2nd dinner...

Today was weak. I can do much better than that. I am a compulsive eater. Just in case you were not aware. It's a good thing I like to work out.

steph--don't worry I won't get you a taco bell giftcard....unless you really want one... which I know you secretly do....

Happy Mother's Day....belated

I totally forgot to post a story about my mom on Mother's Day. So here is what she told me a few weeks ago when she flew into Dallas. (If you know my mom and how much she talks this will make more sense. Also, her obsession with texting is equivalent to a 13 year old)

"Now I have this crappy phone and it doesn't have text messaging. My old phone broke, you know the blue one? Yeah, it kept getting overheated and would shut off when I was talking on it. So I figured out that if I put it in the freezer then it would cool down and I could keep talking. But then it totally broke and wouldn't turn on. I have no idea why. So I sent it to Sprint and they said it had "internal damage" so it wasn't covered under warranty. They said that I had obviously broken it. It broke on its own! I have no idea why it broke. I HAD to put it in the freezer because it was getting too hot. No, that was a GOOD idea because it would cool down. But then it just stopped working. It's all Sprint's fault that I don't have texting anymore."

My response after several minutes in silence:
"Wait.....you put your phone in the freezer.........on purpose?? I think I solved the mystery as to why it broke."

My mom:
"Why? Because Sprint makes crappy phones?"

"An Instrument for Everyone"

That was the quote I found when I googled "harmonicas". Recently I have discovered the passion for harmonicas. I really want to learn how to play one. But first I must own one. There are waaay too many to choose from. I was looking on Amazon.com and I came across the Lee Oskar Harmonica. Here is a quote from the product page:

Product Features
Airtight
Easier second-position bending
All key components are replaceable
Durable, they last longer than harps

Please note the last description. Ha! What? So if I'm deciding between a harmonica or a harp, I should go with the harmonica because it lasts longer?

Here are some other quotes I found:

Many thousands of people begin to learn how to play the harmonica every year, but many people give up in frustration.

Harmonica.Com is here to help you to learn to play the harmonica, to have fun playing the harmonica, so to find out how much fun the harmonica really can be, so take a look around!

Learn Harmonica- Millions of visitors can't be wrong!

Tip of the day
May 18, 2008
"Fills vs. Leads vs. Backup- Be sure that when you are playing with people, at any given moment, you know your role. Should you be playing a solo, or playing fills between vocal lines, or playing backup, or nothing? Avoid over playing and under playing. If you don't know whether you're doing one or the other, ask the people you're playing with. Or better yet, tape yourself, let it sit a day or two and then judge for yourself."

Researching harmonicas is hysterical. I wish I had thought of this years ago.

Tales from the old folks home

Last week I went to visit my grandad in his nursing home. His dementia is completely random so I would be sitting next to him for about 20 minutes and then he looked over and said, "Hey, Missy, I didn't recognize you." And sometimes he knew exactly who I was and asked questions about my class and stuff. But even with his mind going, it was great to know that his sarcastic personality is still intact. Case in point:

On Sunday morning, we all gathered in the lobby for a church service. We are all sitting around as the pianist is playing a few old hymns for the prelude. Then this half dressed lady who is grunting loudly and dancing around in her t-shirt starts to "perform" next to the piano. My grandad points to her and says, "look at THAT lady! She's craaaazy! I hope they give her a solo." During the sermon about 90% of the "congregation" is asleep so fortunately my mom blended right in. She's known to take naps during my dad's preaching, so this was pretty standard for her. Also, my grandad has been known to be a "ladies' man" which has not changed since he's been there. He has about 7 girlfriends and they all came over to flirt in their wheelchairs and 2 of them saved him a bib for lunch. I guess that's how you flirt when you get to be that old.

Also, his roommate, Dr. Hill, would constantly be screaming one of 2 things. "I need a catheter!!" or "I can't pee!" repeatedly. Apparently this had been going on for weeks and my grandad never noticed or said anything about it until the day I got there and said "This guy won't shut up. I think he lost his mind."

It was good to see him even though we had the same conversation about 3 times. Also, it was good to see my parents and eat 24,000 calories at Cracker Barrel.

gossip, girl

Lately I have started running at the park in the morning again. If you don't run, you should. If you run, you should do it at the park in the mornings. It's the greatest time to run, not only because it is the coolest time of the day but for the people you see. I consider myself an "authentic" runner. Meaning I don't run with music and it I do alone. So I have lots of time for people watching, thinking, and prayer. I do have favorites at the park and I think you should know about these people.

If you have run a race in Houston, any kind, be it marathon or some wimpy 5k, then you have seen this guy. He looks like that guy from the last of the Mohicans. Every time I see him running towards me I get the theme song for last of the mohicans stuck in my head and I have this urge to run into the woods and hide like he's going to scalp me or something. But he never does and he just sprints past me with his long mohawk ponytail hair flying in the wind. I love him but I'm also terrified of him.

There's this old man who sits on the same bench every day to brush his dog's hair. His dog is the cutest dog in the world and he is the oldest man in the world. The dog is Rocky. Everyone says hi to Rocky and Rocky's owner hits on every female that passes him and also yells random curse words when you don't talk to Rocky. He also encourages Rocky to growl at other dogs.

There is a woman who is ridiculously toned and always wears the exact same outfit. Sports bra, shorts, no shirt, ski gloves, ear muffs, did I mention no shirt? I'm no doctor, but I bet if you put a shirt on, you might not need the ear muffs and ski gloves...I'm just sayin'

And at mile 1.4 every day I pass the hot guy. You know how there's always one. No shirt, mucho muscles. Actually, the muscles are too big for my taste but he has a cute face. I try so hard not to stare at his moob, but it's just so huge! (moob= man boobs that are so huge they become a single unit) Every day he catches me staring at the moob. What do you do....Oh well.

No MSG

Our writing journal prompt today was:
"What would it be like if there was no T.V? Would it be good or bad? Explain."

So I call on my sweetest, cutest, littlest Asian to read his response aloud. This was his response.

"It would be better to not have T.V because too much T.V. hurts your eyes and you will have to wear glasses like Michelle and Danny."

(Michelle and Danny are 2 kids in the class who are sitting right there.)

My response after a very long awkward pause, "Ummm no, that's not why they were glasses."

littlest asian: "Yes, it is. My mom say so. And her friend say so.

Me: "No.....some of us need glasses because we were born with eye difficulties..."

little asian: " No. It true. Internet say so too."

Me: "ok, fine. who wants to share next?"

Geez....

I'm from Texas, y'all!

This morning at 5am I woke up to a scratching sound at my window. I get the flashlight and go outside ready to kick the crap out of a squirrel. (p.s. I HATE squirrels. We had a problem at our last house. I don't really want to talk about it.) And when I get outside, I can't believe what I see. An armadillo!! Yes, a real-life armadillo waddling away from my window.... Wait, where do I live? Oh yeah, okay so it's TOTALLY normal to see an armadillo outside your window. I really had no words for the Armadillo.

CHEESE AND RICE!!

At the end of the day today, one of my students was taking a quiz on one of the laptops and all of a sudden I hear a startling sound. "JESUS CHRIST!!" Ok....I'm totally shocked. Too shocked for words. I mean, he YELLED it! Who yells curse words?? So I start thinking....let's see....he's not praying.....And that is definitely not on the quiz he's taking. No, he meant to yell it. I just tell him, "We do not say that. Unless you're praying. And you're not. (Because you're a Muslim.) We'll talk more about this tomorrow." He was confused. Which is understandable. That is obviously not something wrong to say at home. So then I start thinking....is it okay to correct him?

Cursing is only censored for the listener. (quote by Reba) It's not censored so the person will stop saying it. It's censored because it's offensive to the listener only. Rarely do curse words offend me other than the Lord's name in vain. I actually like some curse words. I like it even better when people use fake curse words. Like "Effing" ,"what the fork", "biotch", "beetches", "A-hole", "WTF", "hells yeah", etc. I know that some of these are offensive to some of you. So I effing apologize. But obviously I would never use these words in front of my students. There's a time and place for cursing, beetches.

Falling in Love at Kroger on a Friday night

So last Friday night around 10pm, I make the weekly trip to Kroger for a box of cookies. Yes, I'm feeling like a loser. But even more so when Reba called me earlier that evening and said "So big Friday night plans, huh?" And when I say, "yes. huge plans." she then bursts out laughing. Obviously I'm a Friday Night Loser.

As I'm walking down the cookie aisle, I can't believe it. There's this totally hot guy walking towards me. It's just like a good 80s movie and it's all in slow-motion. He is walking towards me. Is it really 10 pm on a Friday night at Kroger? What is the hottie with a body doing on my aisle? Obviously, he is lost. Beer aisle is the next one, buddy. As we walk towards each other we realize very awkwardly that we are both stopping at the same place. I slow down to let him get what he needs. He grabs my box of cookies! No joke! MY cookies!! We look at each other out of the corner of our eye and then run off in opposite directions.

I am IN LOVE! with my cookies. I have no need to hide my affection for these cookies. Apparently, hot guys like to eat them on Friday night at 10pm too! Finally, I feel justified in my life choices.

It was NOT nice to meet you.

Things I love about local Irish pubs:
1. Smithwicks
2. Chilling with good friends
3. Smithwicks
4. Making fun of guys who try to hit on me and my girl friends

DISCLAIMER: The following story is completely TRUE. No part was exaggerated or fictional. All names have been kept the same to protect the innocent.

During most public outings I have "go away" stamped on my forehead. But when out at a pub, I make sure that is stamped in bold letters and lights flashing. I cannot stand for guys to think that can just come up to you and expect you to be interested in them.

So I look over and there's a guy bothering Megan (whose boyfriend is there and she has mentioned several times that he is coming right back from playing Golden Tee). He doesn't get it. Then he notices me. Crap.

guy: So can YOU guess what celebrity I look like?
me: Kevin Smith a.k.a Silent Bob from Jay and Silent Bob
guy: What???? NO!!!! I can't believe you said that!!
me: Hmm. Ok. Who do YOU think you look like?
guy: Johnny Depp
me: HAHAHAHAHAH!!! (fell on floor crying from laughter)
guy: What?? I can't believe you said Kevin Smith. So you think I'm fat and ugly?
me: You can make that judgment for yourself. I just said Kevin Smith.
guy: Hey guys!! (calling to other loser friends and waves them over) This girl knows who Kevin Smith is! Wow! I'm so impressed! Most girls don't know who that is....

Ok, so once we get rid of those guys. Which took about 30 minutes of consistently insulting them. Then another guy from another group comes over to our group of girls....this one is wearing some ridiculous tshirt that I immediately make fun of. After about 15 minutes of my ridicule, he walks away. Oh, but he's not finished. He comes back.

stupid tshirt guy: Hey, let's try this again. I'm Michael I think you're a very interesting girl. Can I get your number? I would like to hang out with you sometime.
me: I am an interesting girl. But I'm not interested in hanging out with you.
stupid tshirt guy: Did I mention that I cure Autism?
(no, he really said that...he really did)
me: REALLY!! That's great! Could you let me know about this cure? Because I know 2 students at my school who could really use it.
stupid tshirt guy: You're a teacher? That's hot.
me: (grabbing the business card and pen from him-- yes, the business card that he expected me to write my number on.....I write down "Michael. Cures Autism." Tell me more about this cure.
stupid tshirt guy: Well, you wouldn't understand it. It's very complicated.
me: Try me.
stupid tshirt guy: You probably don't know what the epidemiology of autism is.
me: It's the study of factors influencing autism.
stupid guy: (drops jaw. can't speak)
me: What? Should I write that down?
stupid guy: Obviously, you're a very smart girl, but there is no cure for Autism.
me: Oh Geez. I had NO idea! Well, get busy on that cure then. Call me when you find it.

Idiots.

In case you haven't read about this. A girl was born with 2 faces. Not conjoined twins, just one girl. 2 faces. I can't stop staring at this picture. This girl was born to a family in India and all the Hindis think that she is a goddess who has come to life. They have like over 700 gods and goddess and lots of them have several arms and legs and other body parts. So it's interesting that all those people are now worshipping her. If she had been born in America, I bet the first thing her family would do is figure out how to get rid of one face so that she would be "normal".

So Reba....I need your medical information. I'm confused about a few things.

1. Which mouth eats?

2. Which face do you talk to?

3. How will she take a school picture?

4. What is going on here? What happened? Why weren't you the one to tell me about this? You love this kinda stuff.

$5.49

Ok, I lied. I need to work for the money. I just checked my bank account. It was more than I thought! For once, it's not a negative number. Go me!

What to do this summer.....

I'm trying to decide what to do this summer. I really need to work. Not for the money but just to avoid being a worthless couch potato. Here are a few options:

1. Work at the zoo as a tour guide.
2. Teach summer school.
3. Teach High School summer school.
4. Go to VA Beach and practice my surfing.
5. Work retail. Some options: Urban, Anthro, PB
6. Be a dolphin trainer.

Ok, #6 is really not an option. Does anyone have any other suggestions?

"How do you know your love is real? Check Facebook."

What a GREAT article. I'm so glad to find CNN reporting about important issues like Facebook.

This morning's writing prompt: "Why is diversity important?"

These are a few responses.

"Diversity is important because without it, I would not be able to find my friend on the playground. Because everyone would look the same. So I might talk to the wrong person."

"Diversity is important because it's important to try new things like hairstyles. If everyone always had the same hairstyle then no one would ever invent braids or bangs and it would be boring."

"Diversity is important because if we didn't have diversity then we would eat the same thing for dinner every night."